Ignore the Obvious

My mind is swirling with emotions. The effects of last night’s hypnosis have still not completely worn off. And so, stuck in my head, like tortuous nightmares are a whole slew of memories that are taking all the rational knowledge I possess and turning it upside down and against itself. I have never wanted to ignore my own advice so bad, and yet I know obeying it is my only hope toward a cease fire between the two opposing organs in my body. How could something that was once as plain as day become so blurry and confusing? As if I went to bed with 20/20 vision, only to somehow wake up with eyes that no longer see clearly as a consequence to the actions of my dreams. My dreams that seem so real now… too real. I want them to stop for the sake of my sanity, and yet I pray that they don’t because once they are gone, I fear they will be gone forever. Are they really too much to handle? Or just not enough? How is this possible? Why have I abandoned reason and my own best interest? How will any of us ever truly know what our best interest is? And why is our best interest always associated with rational thought? It’s simple, really; rational thought is the easiest way to ignore your feelings. It is the way to justify the rejection of your body. And it is always right in the long run… isn’t it? But what great art came from being rational? What poetry, music, and love ever came from being rational? So the real question can finally be asked. What is your life to you? Is it art? Irrational, like a roller coaster of experiences and emotions, thrills and chills, ups and downs? Or is it rational, a series of going through the motions in search for the path of least resistance? Its clear as night which one makes more sense, isn’t it? So we all try to think rationally, coming up with entire philosophies to justify us ignoring what our bodies are trying to communicate to us. And it works most of the time, doesn’t it. And yet sometimes… sometimes it just doesn’t feel right.

For Your Consideration

I digress from my desperation, indignation, self pitying hostile communication,

Because the truth is no confirmation will be found in an accusation of false representation,

This may sound like a bout of confusion, clutter, or contradiction, and believe me it is.

My hesitation for the predication of my former inspiration has left me doubting all my idealization, justification, and meditation,

The ramification for my gravitation toward simplification has led to utter, dismal, devastation

And now I search for a parallel gratification that will bring my emancipation from such agitation,

I know it can’t be found through the boredom of stagnation, subordination before a delegation, corporation, or congregation,

Nor from masturbation, senseless procreation, the membership of an amalgamated organization,

Hallucination, experimentation, or fragmentation,

But only through evaluation, jubilation, and improvisation will I remember the revelation

That life is all about the journey,

Rather than the destination.

Its BeenToo Long

WOW, time really fly’s when you’re… studying. My life, or lack there of, has been engulfed by academia. So much so that my head can not retain much of the data that passes through it. I know that the quality of some of my closest friendships has suffered from it and hope that they understand my absence from their lives. And yet, I love it here. School is… school is cool. And living on campus is like discovering the fountain of youth. I was not sure how I would be received when I arrived, but have been pleasantly surprised with acceptance and friendship. They say that you are who you surround yourself by, and I am lucky enough to be surrounded by some of the nicest people I have ever met. So what if they are ten years younger than me. Only rarely does it feel like that. So I hope all will forgive this hiatus and know that it won’t last forever.